Chapter Text
It has been three whole years since Rita was killed. I could've stopped it instead of being a complete idiot. Even my dead father told me to kill him multiple times and I didn't. I let him get close to me, I leaned on him to learn about how to have a family when he didn't even know himself. I am glad that Jamie Batista lives next to my apartment and takes care of Harrison for me, because I would be lost without her. She doesn't have a certain time I have to get home and she is open to babysitting whenever. I don't even feel like getting up this morning, my body feels like lead. Why does it still haunt me even after all this time? Maybe because Rita had her innocence taken away from three whole men and I could've limited that number to 1. Paul. I could've even erased Paul. She was sad when he died, because she learned I was the reason he was put in prison. She also loved her life alongside me and the kids.
Eventually, I have to push my heavy feet to the floor, wash myself in the shower, and get dressed for the day. I then eat waffles alongside my baby, Harrison. Although Harrison does cry a lot at night, he's a very good baby. He's around 3 years old.
"Waffles!" Harrison announced to the world as he ate another bite of his waffles.
"That's right buddy." I ate them too.
I could see the way Jamie silently ate her waffles. Like she didn't want to point out that I was covering the storm cloud over my head with an artificial sun. I finished up with eating my eggs and grabbed my work bag. I kissed Harrison goodbye on the forehead and gave him a hug before waving Jamie goodbye.
Once the elevator doors opened up to my area of the precinct, I could already see Deb gathering people for a briefing. As if we really needed another murder on our hands. You would think it was because of the old people seeing as most people retire here, but no. The deaths we handle can never turn out to be 'natural'. Not even my own father's death was natural, it's just one death after the other. Do we live life to just... die?
"Thank you for joining the wonderful land of the living, Dex," Deb said when I walked in.
"I'm not sure about wonderful and this place is mostly filled with ghosts, Deb," I said, ignoring Quinn cringing in the corner with an 'oooooh, that's dark'.
"Thank you, captain obvious. You want me to say thank you one more time, Dex," Deb crossed her arms.
"Third time's a charm, dear sister," I smiled, cocky.
"I wonder if killers say that once they turn into a serial killer," Deb bluntly said. Maybe she just feels the need to speak last, I should have just let her win this one.
"Before third becomes thirteenth and thirteenth becomes thirtieth," I shrugged, hoping to move past it and get to the point.
There was someone dead, which we already discovered when yesterday 's body was found, and we went over the details we knew. Briefings are just to make sure everyone has the same knowledge of what or whom we're searching for. They're pretty boring when you have better knowledge about a murderer then the whole precinct combined. Maybe not the whole precinct, just the people who know nothing about homicide and are just into politics. Cough cough, our Captain LaGuerta, cough cough.
"Dexter, are you listening? Would you like to make everyone sit and listen to me repeat this for another twenty minutes," Deb asked, snapping me out of whatever I had been thinking.
"I am listening, but I wrote most of those reports and I read everyone else's. Also, we're not in school. Don't punish the class because of me," I said, already tired of the day and wanting to head back to bed.
"If you stop acting like a child, I won't treat you like one," she snapped back.
"Deb, I wasn't listening because I am trying to think of the important details of this case. Like maybe the fact that there is dirt underneath her fingernails or a missing tooth. I don't know, I try to look closer than you would... expect," I correct myself at the last minute. I'm irritated with Deb, but arguing with her is like asking for a war. Especially when she's fighting one for you because you're a murderer.
Finally after another 5 minutes of discussion, I got to head to my lab. I sat down and went through the information on who was dead. No arrests, a speeding ticket, a parking ticket and that's about it. It's really no help and we're getting nowhere in this case. The screen in front of my eyes started to get blurry. I tried to blink my eyes before they got extremely heavy. I eventually just closed them entirely.
///////////
A knock came at the door. One, then two.
"Dex, you okay in here?" Angel opened the door.
I groggily looked up at him, "What time is it?"
"3:00 p.m. Around 6 hours since I've last seen you. Are you doing okay, Dexter," Angel asked, closing the door to the lab.
I yawned, stretching my arms, "Yes, just tired because of Harrison. That's all."
"I get that, if you ever want to talk about it-," Angel prompted.
I cut him off, "I'm alright, Angel. Did Deb need something?"
"She said, 'make sure he's alive and not getting into trouble'. Whatever that was supposed to mean," Angel shrugged.
"It means she is still watching my every move and breathing down my spine," I said. "Thank you for telling me, Angel."
Angel then nodded and left the lab. If not for Angel, I doubt anybody would've come to check on me. I wonder if Deb even asked him at all, but then again she does care about me. Maybe Angel wouldn't have checked on me, but he did see that something is hanging over my head like an anvil that's ready to drop at any time. Like his sister, Jamie, Angel reads rooms and faces very well. I can't and my sister is a mix of both. I just wonder how much anybody actually pays attention to me. I don't think it matters though, because they'll see a monster if they look too close.
I got back to work and studied for my upcoming kill, as the code suggests me to do. It's a long and boring process, but the kill is always worth it. Maybe. With how tired I am, I'm not sure anymore. The time in the day moves excruciatingly slow, like the clock has actually been slowed down. After working over time and waiting for the clock to stop ticking and strike the hour, I went home. I washed myself, helped bathe Harrison, read and sang Harrison to sleep, and passed out on my bed. Today will be another day.
_--_--_--_--_
My body stirred at the shrill noise of my cell phone ringing. I picked it up and answered groggily with my usual 'Morgan' answer. It's strange that someone had been calling me, seeing as everybody knows I don't work on the weekends (or Friday night).
"Dexter. I know you and Deb have been in a constant battle recently. Can you come over, so we can talk about it," Angel asked. "I just want to be there for you, man."
"I'm pretty tired Angel, I'm not sure," I yawned.
"Well maybe I also have some things I'd like to rant about with you. Dexter, at least consider it," Angel said before he hung up.
I got up and got dressed before going to head out the door.
"Where are you going," Jamie asked, her voice soft but carrying worry.
"Just your brother's house, I'll be back in a few," I say, hugging and kissing Harrison good bye before waving good bye to Jamie.
Once I got there, Angel basically only ranted about Captain LaGuerta. He talked about how he thought she was doing it for love, because he just wanted someone to care and love for him. He also ranted about how it's not fair that she used him to become Captain and then made Deb Lieutenant. He then corrected himself and said it is fair for Deb, but not fair from LaGuerta and Captain Matthews, who is now retired for not reporting someone who was bleeding in his arms. Angel talked about risking his job for her, because Matthews wanted them to split up (even into different fields at the precinct) before I had helped sign papers to marry the two. I have never liked LaGuerta, she doesn't have the smarts that we do. That doesn't mean she isn't a smart woman, she just doesn't know how to piece together a murder, she works best on... looking good for the precinct. I don't know.
"Yeah, I get that Angel, but do you ever miss it? Like the late nights where you just lay next to her after a warm bath and stare out at the moon with her while the kids are all in bed," I ask before realizing it's a very specific thing to ask, and he only had one kid with a different woman.
Angel's eyes softened, going from absolute anger to what I read as sorrow. I shift a bit on his couch, not knowing what else to say. I was going through stuff too. My wife died. Even if it was a couple years ago, I have to live and push past my survivor's guilt, but I can't push past something that always comes back no matter what I do.
Finally Angel said, "I shouldn't be complaining based on what you say. I guess I miss the good side of her, but I can't miss what I didn't have Dexter. A real, loving relationship that wasn't toxic in any means possible."
"I'm not here to compare Angel, we're just here to listen to one another," I sighed a bit too loud.
Angel looked away with a slight nod of his head. He must really feel uncomfortable with what I had brought up. That or he's realizing that Deb isn't what has been keeping me down recently. We sat in silence for some time, the sound of the soccer match playing in the background. I had something real and I threw it all away, flushed it down the drain. Angel never had something real and non-toxic, but he kept it close to his chest like his life relied on it.
"You and Deb." Angel broke the silence. "What's been going on?"
The quickest lie I could make up was close to the truth, "She learned that our dad cheated on my mom with his CI that ended up being Brian's mother."
"Oh. And she got mad at you for carrying that alone." Angel took a sip out of his drink to avoid eye contact. I should honestly have just left, but I stayed anyway.
"Something like that," I responded.
It was only maybe 10 minutes later that we departed. I thanked him for inviting me and I left. Once I got home, I played with Harrison before I laid down and sleep quickly washed over me. The longer I sleep, the longer I can avoid this world and all of its dumb responsibilities. Maybe if I sleep long enough, I'll wake up right back next to Rita one way or another.